And just when you think it's going to get better...

It does!!

I have been feeling so much better than the last time I posted. Even though little Tehilla is gone with her family, and I am still in "love" with my ex, some good, no, great things have happened.

I asked a guy to prom, and he said yes (!!!!!!!!!) and I am very excited. I learned a new thing about my blog (I put a new puppy on under Giggles the purple monkey), and I have been haveing a blast celebrating Passover.

This post is almost as long as the Wisdom Teeth one, and much less...umm...profound, but what can I say?

NOTHING!!!

Well, I hope that everyone out there's lives are as good as or better than mine right now. And I wish you all a happy Tuesday, may this week go more quickly than the last one!!

Lizzie~

P.S. It's my brother's birthday today. Sam is my brother, anoying and crazy as he is supposed to be as a younger brother.

P.P.S. IT'S SPRING!!!!!

What a year this has been, and will be!

WOW!! Oh my G-d!!! This year has been the most wonderful, crazy, hectic, aweful, terrible, sweet, amazing, bizarre, confusing, chaotic, creative, empty, full, overbooked, boring, and every other good or not so good adjective that means any of the above things ever invented in the history of the world in any and every language.

From Israel Study Tour, visiting Poland and Israel, to being a senior. From having the best boyfriend ever, to losing him. From having the most kick ass marching band show in the history of our marching band, to just barely missing first place, and knowing that we deserved it. From gaining many new friends, to feeling like I'm slipping away from my old ones. From writing some of my best "poetry" ever and creating a whole new style, to feeling like I couldn't write for a while. From starting speech, to finding out that the amazing speech coach, Mrs. Graham, is not going to continue to be able to work at our school any more due to faculty cuts that our school has been forced to make.

I don't think that I can recap the whole year in one post, so I don't think that I am going to try, just because no matter how much you like to read you certainly wouldn't get all the way through it.

I now need to make decisions about where I am going to go to college, and I have really NO idea how in the world I am going to make those decisions. I am so lost and confused about everything espcially about college and all that comes along with it.

I don't know what I am doing for prom. It is coming up just as quickly as the college deadlines are.

Also, when we came home from Salida where we went on spring break, the house next door was completely torn down. And I am really, well, torn up about it. I have told some of the people that I am close to how I feel about it, and all they have to say is "but it's not like it's your house".

And they're right. But, at the same time, it was a very influential house to me. I never lived there, but I learned many important lessons there. I learned not to kick down my neighbor's front door. I learned that my dog doesn't like water. I also learned that once the dogs get out the kicked in front door, it is very difficult to chase them down and get them back inside. So, as you can see, that house had a huge impact on my life!

Another thing is that just yesterday my older brother, his wife, and their little girl Tehilla all just came from Israel to visit. Now we have a little girl running around our non-baby-proofed-house. So, yeah, that will work out really well won't it?

Also yesterday, I made a huge realization. I am still "in love" with my exboyfriend. He is one of my best friends in the world and I still haven't ever felt like I was ever not in love with him and I wish that I could just get over it now and get it over with. What makes it worse, is that even though I don't think that he is planning on dating her (but there is some speculation) but he is planning on taking this other younger girl to prom. I am going to prom so I don't know how I am going to deal with the fact that he is with her, and even more so if he is planning on dating her!! Arrrrrrrgggh!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I didn't go through this earlier. I know the dating thing changes things a bit, but I was feeling this before I found out, so I just don't know.

Last, bit definatly not least, I have been having troubles with my writing. I know that I still have some talent at it, but I don't find my own skills quite as great as I once thought I was. I used to really like everything that I wrote, and I thought it was all the greatest writing in the world, but now I'm not so sure. I guess I just seem to be floundering around and around and not going anywhere of any consequence. I just don't know why!

This year is almost over, and I just don't know what the heck I am going to do with the rest of it and how I am ever going to survive. Whatever!!

Lizzie~

I'm back

If you have read my blog previously, you will remember that I didn't know what was going on between my boyfriend and I. Well, now I know. He and I broke up about a month and a half ago. I guess I just didn't know that I was ready to tell you yet. But, I guess I am. I was really afraid of this time, because I didn't want to lose him. Not that I needed him as a boyfriend, but I just needed him. I now know that I didn't lose him, we just took a step back down the relationship ladder, from boy/girl friend, to friend, really close friend. That is the best thing that ever could have happened, no matter how sad it may sound.

I also have had some trouble writing my poetry in the recent past, and just now I have refound my talent, but it is the talent that i had, but it is now very very different than it used to be. Instead of the very organized very structured form that I used to use, it is now mostly stream of thought writing, and despite the wierdness of it, I find myself loving it!!!!

Finally, I read one of the best books ever. I am not just saying that. It is amazingly outstanding. It is the book for anyone who can read, and who wants a book unlike any other, with writing so outstanding that it moves you in your core. It got many children's book awards, but it is MOST DEFINANTLY NOT a children's book! It is The Book Theif by Marcus Zusac, and it is...wow!! It is the book for anyone who likes to taste words, just bite them off one at a time, swish them around in your mouth so you can taste every aspect of them, and enjoy them to the fullest before you swallow. If you just want to sink into a good book, this is the one for you!

Hope the best for all who read my posts and those who don't!
Lizzie~

Band, Law, Boys, Brothers, Girls, and a little bit of School in Between

Wow! It has been so long since I have even been on here, nonetheless actually posted! Since that time, my band has taken second in state (though if we had gotten to actually perform a second time like we were supposed to we would have won!), gotten an intrest in law, had times of wondering about the stability of my relationship with my boyfriend, wondered about whether my brother is really the person he seems to be, been completely fed up wiht some girls and gotten closer with others, and then had to keep up with my school work even with all these important things going on.

First off, let me tell you the darker news. I have no idea what is going on with me and my boyfriend. Sometimes we are the closest people on earth and he isn't just a boyfriend but also a best friend. Other times I can say "hi, how are you?" and all I'll get is a shrug and "good". I just want to say "yeah, whatever to you too", but I don't. I guess that I am just very very confused!!
Now for the lighter stuff. Law! I love law! I thought that people who said that they thought that I would do well in law were completely off their rocker, but now that I get into it, I love it!!!

Then, band. I know that what I said about us winning sounds like what everyone who gets second says, but this time it is true. The judges that Dr. C talked with almost all told him that they knew that had we been able to perform again we would have taken state!! Then Dr.C said that this last football game that we did was like our finals performance, and if that is true then we so totally win, becuase Legacy (1st place band) was so scared that they didn't even show up, meaning we win by default!!

Next, my brother. So, he has had some problems in the past; lighting his pants on fire, drinking, setting things other than his pants on fire (the bank of the canal for one), going to court for arson, ect. But just this weekend I learned something about him that I would never have guessed. He told me his "little secret" (which he will never actually know I told you becuase you won't tell!!!!!). His "little secret" is that he actually watches and enjoys the show on MTV Americas Next Top Model. We spent all of Saturday night watching the reruns that I had taped from that day. It was a wierd sort of bonding time for us.

Girls. I have been getting kind of fed up with some girls (in band) and at the same time I have grown closer with others. I will stick with telling you about the good not the bad. There is this girl who I first really got to know when I invited her over to talk with me on my trampoline (a VERY good place to talk), and we talked about all the things that we thought were really important, but were really nothing. This weekend I saw that she didn't look so happy, so I sat her down on the sidewalk and told her to spill it. After she did, I gave her advice on what to do (it was a guy problem) and then when I was done she said that the sidewalk was not nearly as comfortable as a trampoline, but that she was glad that I would give her advice any way. Just this morning she said that she had done what I told her to do (advised her to do) and I was thinking oh no it made him hate you and you are blaming me, then she continued to say that there was a rumour going around that he was going to ask her out sometime this week. I was so proud of her for sucking up her pride just like I told her to!

Then school, well, other than the fact that I love having a whole class dedicated to poetry, there isn't much I can say!!

And now that I have thouroughly bored you till your brain turned to mush and dripped out your ears (see why I don't often write in the morning), I have a poem for you.


Roses are red,
Violets are purple,
NOTHING RHYMES WITH PURPLE!!

So we say that
violets are blue,
so we can rhyme it with words like
You, to, two, too, and achoo!!

So, roses are red,
and violets are blue,
but they're really not blue,
they're really violet which is
a kind of purple,
but nothing rhymes with purple-
or orange- unless you say it
wierd 'cause then it sounds like doorhinge.

But doorhinge doesn't make for
very good poetry-
or does it?

Roses are red,
Oranges are orange,
Nick Weiber* I want you to run into a doorhinge.
The end!

*You probably don't dislike Nick like I do, so you can insert the name of anyone you dislike in Nick's spot and it will work the same (though first and last names or a 2 syllable name works best for flow and rhythm)

Homecoming Again

I've been to homecoming before, I went my freshman year, but I hated it! This year I am going because it will be different as a senior. I also will be going with my boyfriend. I don't think that those things will make the music better, or the dancing more fun, but I still think that it will make me have more fun at the dance. I don't have too much more to say, so I guess I will go.
Lizzie~

What a life this is turning out to be!

Hey all you out there!

I am back from a long break from blogging. I was initially planning on sharing more of my experiences from Israel, but right now I feel a little differently. I guess that I have just been having a weird time in my life, and I don't exactly know why. My family is getting ready for some remodling on my house, my grandmother just moved here from California, and other weird things. I have a set of really good friends and I feel like even though I am still really close to all of them, that they are falling a little away from each other. I also am worried that my boyfriend (who means SO much to me) may not be as into our relationship as he was in the beginning, and the person that I have always felt that I could talk to about things like that, well, I guess that I feel like I can't tell her that for no good reason. I don't know why I can't just tell her. Is it because I am insecure, or because I am embarrassed about my insecurities, or because I feel like she is going to tell me that I am just making it up and I am going to feel stupid, or maybe because I feel like if I say it out loud that it makes it true. I don't know!!

I really don't know what to do about anything that is going on in my life, it feels like I am losing all my control that I once had and that I no longer hold the horse's reins, and that the horse is holding mine. And not only is the horse holding my reins, but the horse is runnign with them. I am trying to hold on to everything, but it is just slipping past me and into oblivion. I just wish that I could push pause and keep things from happening so quickly, but I just can't.

While I sit here typing all this out, I feel so silly. I just don't know what else to do. Oh, I forgot! To top all these things off, my brother. He has been so all over the place lately. First he sets a fire and gets a court summons and has to do yard work for my parents, then he goes and gets a girlfriend, then he realizes that a girlfriend are going to want him to pay a lot of attention to her, and I don't know if he is ready for that. Then seeing him with his new girlfriend reminds me that I don't know where I stand with my boyfriend and it sort of hurts.

My mom has noticed that I have been a bit off all day today and has asked me what is wrong and I keep telling her that it is nothing. I just don't want her to think that there is anything wrong between Eddie and I and then have nothing wrong at all. I also don't know how comfortable I am with telling her all about my personal relationship and the life that I lead outside of the house.

Now that I have ranted till you couldn't stand my ranting anymore, I will leave you. Hope that none of you have half the problems that I have in my life, but rather have all the joy and much much more!

Lizzie~

Hello, Goodbye

Hello Blogging world! And at the same time, goodbye! I am about to embark on what is bound to be one of the most exciting, saddening, beautiful, life-changing, amazing trips of my life! I am leaving on Monday morning to go to Poland and after a week in Poland, I will fly off to Israel.

I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am being torn in two by emotions that are both the same and irreconcilible. I have spent the last week and a half in band camp, (with my boyfriend as drummajor, which is so exciting! and my "band daughter" Alyssa) and I have been told by my boyfriend and "daughter" that I will be missed very much for the six weeks I will be gone and that it is sad that they will not see me for that long (being the longest time I have ever been away from them!) !

I have also been struggling through the difficult yet really really cool music. But I will be able to get that memorized by the time I need to.

When I am in Poland, I will see the concentration camps, and that is going to be one of the hardest times for me in my life. I will write so much poetry, that I think I may have to get a new poetry book. So, when I get back I just might have to throw a bunch of poetry at you when I get back in six weeks!

Lizzie~

P.S. I had so much more to write, but I have to go eat dinner!

Asking Questions

Have you ever asked questions that you never wanted to have answered, but you can't help but ask. I keep asking myself questions and don't know if I want them to be answered. I can never really tell that I am asking the questions until I try writing a poem, and they just sort of come out on the paper. One of them came out in this poem.


Untitled

When he looks at me,
can he see me smile inside?
When he smiles,
does he know I blush bright red?
Every time, no matter where,
I feel my heart soar.
It can't be held down,
it is too strong, it's wings beat too fast.
When I'm with him,
can he tell I'm nervous?
When he holds my hand,
does he feel it shaking?
Does he really love me?
Or can he really not tell?


(Inspiration: Eddie Lyon)


So, I don't know if I am the only one who asks questions like that, but if I am, thank you for bearing with me. I really want the answers, but I am afraid that they will be ones that I didn't want to hear. Am I the only one who feels that way? I don't know!

Well, I am having a fabulous time not being in school, so far!! I saw the Pirates of the Carribean 3! It was amazingly fantastic!!!!!! I loved it so much! I really think that it is one of my favorite movies I have seen in quite some time! The first in a trilogy is always the best, but this one was really close to surpassing the first for the title of "the best"! I didn't like the second one as much, so we didn't buy it, but we are going to have to so we can buy the third and have it make sence!

Hope that everyone is having a wonderful begining of summer!! I send my love to all my friends and family bloggers or not.

Lizzie~

Sometimes you just need to love

In Creative writing, there has been yet another amazing prompt given to us. This one was entitled, "What are you waiting for?" It went like this:
Today, we'll use Ferlinghetti as our inspiration. He wrote a poem called "I am waiting". Respond to that same title with your own voice; tell me what you're waiting for...

"I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting..."
~Ferlinghetti~

My version is this:


I am waiting...

I am waiting for love.
The love you hear of in story books.
The love of your best friend.
The love of a puppy.
The love that each person,
at all times, everywhere,
should have for one another.
I am waiting,
for love...


Now instead of commenting on how wonderful (or terrible) mine is, I want to hear what you are waiting for. It doesn't need to be in poetry form, but if you are feeling daring, then I would love to hear it as a poem!!!!!! Hope that I hear from everyone that I know who is on blogger! Everyone is waiting for something, but not everyone is willing to share it with others. I hope you all are willing to share!
Lizzie~
P.S. I am in the school library, and I am lolking out the windows, and it is snowing again!! I still hate snow!!!!!

Recently Discovered Genious

A long long long time ago, or it seems long ago now, I wrote a post complaining about not making it into the literary magezine at my school. I was thinking of not submitting this year, but due to an overwhelming ammout of people on and off my blog page telling me to submit any way, I did.
For all you who had faith in me and kept me from just giving up and not submitting, I thank you! I made it into the Literary arts magezine this year!!
What made it in was a poem, my only bilingual poem, called "Tu es a moi" or in english "You are the one for me". To everyone who isn't going to purchase the magezine, here is my poem. Enjoy!

Tu es à Moi

Je marche,
il pleut, le ciel est bleu foncé.
J’ai froid,
mais je m’en fiche, parceque je sais que tu va être là.
Là tu es,
tu m’attends, avec une couverture.
Je souris et tu souris aussi.
La couverture en coton sent en soie,
parceque tu la tiens.
Nous marchons ensemble,
le long de la rue, au Claire de lune.
Il est minuit,
mais nous nous en fichons,
parceque nous sommes ensembles.


In English:

You are the One for Me

I walk,
it is raining, the sky is a dark blue.
I’m cold,
but I don’t care, because I know you’ll be there.
There you are,
you wait for me with a blanket.
I smile, and you smile too.
The blanket is cotton, but it feels like silk,
because you are the one holding it.
We walk together,
along the street, in the moonlight.
It is midnight,
but we don’t care,
because we are together.

And to my French friend Sixtine, this post is dedicated to you. Tell me what you think of my French poem. Thanks!
Lizzie~