School again!

For all of you who don't know...college is wierd!
I haven't yet felt homesick, but then again, I haven't really done any real school work yet either! It is like some bizarre summer camp. I feel like very soon I am going to get on a big yellow school bus and go home to my family! But part of me knows that I'm not, so I have this tiny aweful feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it is telling me that I will feel very homesick as soon as actual classes start. I don't know if I am ready for that! I am sorry that I have been so lacking in my checking up and posting lately, but I have had so much to do lately that this is the first that I have been able to do anything fun online!
I hope that you can forgive me! I also hope that all of you, whoever you are at the moment, are doing fantastically!
I also want to share something that I wrote late one night when I couldn't fall asleep. It's not very good, or finished, but if you have anything to say, please do! I need all the help I can get!

Poets are the moon.
In that, they aren't like the sun.
They can't give sustain life,
they can't give off their own light.
But rather, they are the moon.
They aren't steady,
they change and shift,
they go through phases.
Even thought they give off
neither warmth
nor life.
They light people's way
without blinding them with their greatness.
And though they don't
give off their own light
or beauty,
it's their "job" to find the
beauty of others and
in everything else,
and reflect it back
for the world to see.

That's it...sorry if you expected more!
Lizzie

Writing...

I was going back and looking through all of the posts from my past, and I realized that I haven't put up any poems for quite some time. Now I have two.
They both have almost the same title, and they are both what is called a "list" poem.
One is MUCH more light-hearted than the other. But I just thought that you might enjoy them. They are in chronological order.

Things I Learned Last Week

You send two men to a fishing expo,
You will find a pontoon boat in your basement.

When in kindergarten,
People teach you to fill in the lines.
Then there is school,
Teachers tell you to write between the lines.
As an adult,
They tell you to sign on the lines.
Then someone tells you to be abstract.
You don't know how, no one ever taught you.

Never plug something into a bad plug,
You may not have power for a day.

Life goes on,
But if you are stuck,
Sometimes friends can be the best tow trucks.

It's ok for life to be a whirlwind,
But don't spin too fast,
Or all the pretty sights will be nothing but a blur.

Walking on a crust of hard snow is good,
Until you fall through.

Things don't need to have a purpose,
Some things just...are.

Money rocks, but only if you have it.

Snow is cold, really cold.
Sun doesn't help you warm up all that much!

(Inspiration: what a wierd week!, Date:1/18/07)


Things I Learned Last Week
(And A Bit of This Week Too)

Writing is good, but overrated.

When you are depressed, beware of spontaneous explosion.

Most circumstances are only as akward as you make them.

You are never really as good as you think you are,
But then again, you aren't as terrible either.

Death and suicide scare people,
Don't mention it to them.

If you have an epiphany, keep it to yourself until the "oppotune moment",
Just trust me.

Insanity sucks, but it can be good for you.

You can be independant and relationship based at the same time,
Who knew?


(Date: 3/4/08)

So, yeah. Those are just two poems that I thought you might enjoy. If you didn't enjoy one, you are bound to have enjoyed another...or not... I guess that's your choice.
I hope that you are having better weeks than both of those that I have written about!
Lizzie~

What a year this has been, and will be!

WOW!! Oh my G-d!!! This year has been the most wonderful, crazy, hectic, aweful, terrible, sweet, amazing, bizarre, confusing, chaotic, creative, empty, full, overbooked, boring, and every other good or not so good adjective that means any of the above things ever invented in the history of the world in any and every language.

From Israel Study Tour, visiting Poland and Israel, to being a senior. From having the best boyfriend ever, to losing him. From having the most kick ass marching band show in the history of our marching band, to just barely missing first place, and knowing that we deserved it. From gaining many new friends, to feeling like I'm slipping away from my old ones. From writing some of my best "poetry" ever and creating a whole new style, to feeling like I couldn't write for a while. From starting speech, to finding out that the amazing speech coach, Mrs. Graham, is not going to continue to be able to work at our school any more due to faculty cuts that our school has been forced to make.

I don't think that I can recap the whole year in one post, so I don't think that I am going to try, just because no matter how much you like to read you certainly wouldn't get all the way through it.

I now need to make decisions about where I am going to go to college, and I have really NO idea how in the world I am going to make those decisions. I am so lost and confused about everything espcially about college and all that comes along with it.

I don't know what I am doing for prom. It is coming up just as quickly as the college deadlines are.

Also, when we came home from Salida where we went on spring break, the house next door was completely torn down. And I am really, well, torn up about it. I have told some of the people that I am close to how I feel about it, and all they have to say is "but it's not like it's your house".

And they're right. But, at the same time, it was a very influential house to me. I never lived there, but I learned many important lessons there. I learned not to kick down my neighbor's front door. I learned that my dog doesn't like water. I also learned that once the dogs get out the kicked in front door, it is very difficult to chase them down and get them back inside. So, as you can see, that house had a huge impact on my life!

Another thing is that just yesterday my older brother, his wife, and their little girl Tehilla all just came from Israel to visit. Now we have a little girl running around our non-baby-proofed-house. So, yeah, that will work out really well won't it?

Also yesterday, I made a huge realization. I am still "in love" with my exboyfriend. He is one of my best friends in the world and I still haven't ever felt like I was ever not in love with him and I wish that I could just get over it now and get it over with. What makes it worse, is that even though I don't think that he is planning on dating her (but there is some speculation) but he is planning on taking this other younger girl to prom. I am going to prom so I don't know how I am going to deal with the fact that he is with her, and even more so if he is planning on dating her!! Arrrrrrrgggh!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I didn't go through this earlier. I know the dating thing changes things a bit, but I was feeling this before I found out, so I just don't know.

Last, bit definatly not least, I have been having troubles with my writing. I know that I still have some talent at it, but I don't find my own skills quite as great as I once thought I was. I used to really like everything that I wrote, and I thought it was all the greatest writing in the world, but now I'm not so sure. I guess I just seem to be floundering around and around and not going anywhere of any consequence. I just don't know why!

This year is almost over, and I just don't know what the heck I am going to do with the rest of it and how I am ever going to survive. Whatever!!

Lizzie~

I'm back

If you have read my blog previously, you will remember that I didn't know what was going on between my boyfriend and I. Well, now I know. He and I broke up about a month and a half ago. I guess I just didn't know that I was ready to tell you yet. But, I guess I am. I was really afraid of this time, because I didn't want to lose him. Not that I needed him as a boyfriend, but I just needed him. I now know that I didn't lose him, we just took a step back down the relationship ladder, from boy/girl friend, to friend, really close friend. That is the best thing that ever could have happened, no matter how sad it may sound.

I also have had some trouble writing my poetry in the recent past, and just now I have refound my talent, but it is the talent that i had, but it is now very very different than it used to be. Instead of the very organized very structured form that I used to use, it is now mostly stream of thought writing, and despite the wierdness of it, I find myself loving it!!!!

Finally, I read one of the best books ever. I am not just saying that. It is amazingly outstanding. It is the book for anyone who can read, and who wants a book unlike any other, with writing so outstanding that it moves you in your core. It got many children's book awards, but it is MOST DEFINANTLY NOT a children's book! It is The Book Theif by Marcus Zusac, and it is...wow!! It is the book for anyone who likes to taste words, just bite them off one at a time, swish them around in your mouth so you can taste every aspect of them, and enjoy them to the fullest before you swallow. If you just want to sink into a good book, this is the one for you!

Hope the best for all who read my posts and those who don't!
Lizzie~

Band, Law, Boys, Brothers, Girls, and a little bit of School in Between

Wow! It has been so long since I have even been on here, nonetheless actually posted! Since that time, my band has taken second in state (though if we had gotten to actually perform a second time like we were supposed to we would have won!), gotten an intrest in law, had times of wondering about the stability of my relationship with my boyfriend, wondered about whether my brother is really the person he seems to be, been completely fed up wiht some girls and gotten closer with others, and then had to keep up with my school work even with all these important things going on.

First off, let me tell you the darker news. I have no idea what is going on with me and my boyfriend. Sometimes we are the closest people on earth and he isn't just a boyfriend but also a best friend. Other times I can say "hi, how are you?" and all I'll get is a shrug and "good". I just want to say "yeah, whatever to you too", but I don't. I guess that I am just very very confused!!
Now for the lighter stuff. Law! I love law! I thought that people who said that they thought that I would do well in law were completely off their rocker, but now that I get into it, I love it!!!

Then, band. I know that what I said about us winning sounds like what everyone who gets second says, but this time it is true. The judges that Dr. C talked with almost all told him that they knew that had we been able to perform again we would have taken state!! Then Dr.C said that this last football game that we did was like our finals performance, and if that is true then we so totally win, becuase Legacy (1st place band) was so scared that they didn't even show up, meaning we win by default!!

Next, my brother. So, he has had some problems in the past; lighting his pants on fire, drinking, setting things other than his pants on fire (the bank of the canal for one), going to court for arson, ect. But just this weekend I learned something about him that I would never have guessed. He told me his "little secret" (which he will never actually know I told you becuase you won't tell!!!!!). His "little secret" is that he actually watches and enjoys the show on MTV Americas Next Top Model. We spent all of Saturday night watching the reruns that I had taped from that day. It was a wierd sort of bonding time for us.

Girls. I have been getting kind of fed up with some girls (in band) and at the same time I have grown closer with others. I will stick with telling you about the good not the bad. There is this girl who I first really got to know when I invited her over to talk with me on my trampoline (a VERY good place to talk), and we talked about all the things that we thought were really important, but were really nothing. This weekend I saw that she didn't look so happy, so I sat her down on the sidewalk and told her to spill it. After she did, I gave her advice on what to do (it was a guy problem) and then when I was done she said that the sidewalk was not nearly as comfortable as a trampoline, but that she was glad that I would give her advice any way. Just this morning she said that she had done what I told her to do (advised her to do) and I was thinking oh no it made him hate you and you are blaming me, then she continued to say that there was a rumour going around that he was going to ask her out sometime this week. I was so proud of her for sucking up her pride just like I told her to!

Then school, well, other than the fact that I love having a whole class dedicated to poetry, there isn't much I can say!!

And now that I have thouroughly bored you till your brain turned to mush and dripped out your ears (see why I don't often write in the morning), I have a poem for you.


Roses are red,
Violets are purple,
NOTHING RHYMES WITH PURPLE!!

So we say that
violets are blue,
so we can rhyme it with words like
You, to, two, too, and achoo!!

So, roses are red,
and violets are blue,
but they're really not blue,
they're really violet which is
a kind of purple,
but nothing rhymes with purple-
or orange- unless you say it
wierd 'cause then it sounds like doorhinge.

But doorhinge doesn't make for
very good poetry-
or does it?

Roses are red,
Oranges are orange,
Nick Weiber* I want you to run into a doorhinge.
The end!

*You probably don't dislike Nick like I do, so you can insert the name of anyone you dislike in Nick's spot and it will work the same (though first and last names or a 2 syllable name works best for flow and rhythm)

Poland Writing

In Poland, on IST, we went on what I call "the tour of the death of Poland". We went to death camps, labor camps that turned into death camps, we went to a shtetl, (a cute, little village like Anna Tevka in Fiddler on the Roof), but after seeing it- we saw where all the people from the shtetl died. So we got a full tour of death in Poland. So, being the person that I am, I wrote alot when I was doing this touring, and this is one of my favorite writings.

Singing Eli Eli

I'll never sing that song
the same way again.

Suddenly it all means more to me.
And to think,
it meant so much to me before,
that I had no idea how much more
there was.

The sand,
stuck between my toes from the beaches
of my past.

The sea,
the calming sound you search for in shells.

The rush of the waters,
washing away the dirt from my feet
when walking in the woods.

The crash of the heavens,
lights flash, and loud booms shake the earth.

The prayer of the heart,
every poem is a prayer from my heart,
soul, mind, and every fiber of my being.

Just being there,
just seeing all we saw that day.

Feeling all the tension and emotion
in the air.

It made the words feel different,
as if I put blue sunglasses on my
thoughts.

I had mever cryed while singing
that song before,
it was a song of hope,
and still is.

That hope seemed so small,
when sung after seeing a world of hate.
Yet it was so strong.

People,
yes- people we didn't know,
came to listen to us,
yes- us , a bunch of tone deaf
Jewish teens.

People came to the edge of our oval,
I'm not even sure if they could
understand a word we were singing.

It didn't matter,
sadness, mingling with hope is the
samd in all languages.

I will never sing that song the same way
ever,
ever,
ever times six million,
again.

Ever again.

~Lizzie Rose~

Explaination:

I wrote this poem after going to Majdanek (pronounced my-don-ick). After touring Majdanek, you end up at a huge dome. Under the dome there is a huge pile of ashes that were collected after the camp was liberated. All of the 98 teens and the 6 American councelors and the 2 tour guides that we had in Poland all gathered in an oval next to the dome, and we sang Eli Eli. It was the first time that I had cried when singing that song. So that is where I got the inspiration for this poem. (The picture at the top of the post is of the pile of ashes under the dome, it was said that each handfull was one person, and there were uncountable numbers of handfulls of ashes in that pile. Even that picture does nothing to show the size of the pile.)

Further Explaination:

Eli Eli is written by a woman Chana Senesh, a female paratrooper. She was caught and killed, and after the Nazis killed her the found some of her writing in her pocket. It was the poem Eli Eli. This is the song (I will leave off the Hebrew and just write the English).

Eli Eli (Oh Lord, My G-d)
I prey that these things never end.
The sand and the sea,
The rush of the waters,
The crash of the heavens,
The prayer of the heart.
The sand and the sea,
the rush of the waters,
The crash of the heavens,
The prayers of all.

~Chana Senesh~

I wrote this poem after going to Majdanek (pronounced my-don-ick). After touring Majdanek, you end up at a huge dome. Under the dome there is a huge pile of ashes that were collected after the camp was liberated. All of the 98 teens and the 6 American councelors and the 2 tour guides that we had in Poland all gathered in an oval next to the dome, and we sang Eli Eli. It was the first time that I had cried when singing that song. So that is where I got that sing.

Hello, Goodbye

Hello Blogging world! And at the same time, goodbye! I am about to embark on what is bound to be one of the most exciting, saddening, beautiful, life-changing, amazing trips of my life! I am leaving on Monday morning to go to Poland and after a week in Poland, I will fly off to Israel.

I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am being torn in two by emotions that are both the same and irreconcilible. I have spent the last week and a half in band camp, (with my boyfriend as drummajor, which is so exciting! and my "band daughter" Alyssa) and I have been told by my boyfriend and "daughter" that I will be missed very much for the six weeks I will be gone and that it is sad that they will not see me for that long (being the longest time I have ever been away from them!) !

I have also been struggling through the difficult yet really really cool music. But I will be able to get that memorized by the time I need to.

When I am in Poland, I will see the concentration camps, and that is going to be one of the hardest times for me in my life. I will write so much poetry, that I think I may have to get a new poetry book. So, when I get back I just might have to throw a bunch of poetry at you when I get back in six weeks!

Lizzie~

P.S. I had so much more to write, but I have to go eat dinner!

Asking Questions

Have you ever asked questions that you never wanted to have answered, but you can't help but ask. I keep asking myself questions and don't know if I want them to be answered. I can never really tell that I am asking the questions until I try writing a poem, and they just sort of come out on the paper. One of them came out in this poem.


Untitled

When he looks at me,
can he see me smile inside?
When he smiles,
does he know I blush bright red?
Every time, no matter where,
I feel my heart soar.
It can't be held down,
it is too strong, it's wings beat too fast.
When I'm with him,
can he tell I'm nervous?
When he holds my hand,
does he feel it shaking?
Does he really love me?
Or can he really not tell?


(Inspiration: Eddie Lyon)


So, I don't know if I am the only one who asks questions like that, but if I am, thank you for bearing with me. I really want the answers, but I am afraid that they will be ones that I didn't want to hear. Am I the only one who feels that way? I don't know!

Well, I am having a fabulous time not being in school, so far!! I saw the Pirates of the Carribean 3! It was amazingly fantastic!!!!!! I loved it so much! I really think that it is one of my favorite movies I have seen in quite some time! The first in a trilogy is always the best, but this one was really close to surpassing the first for the title of "the best"! I didn't like the second one as much, so we didn't buy it, but we are going to have to so we can buy the third and have it make sence!

Hope that everyone is having a wonderful begining of summer!! I send my love to all my friends and family bloggers or not.

Lizzie~

Exciting!!

I have the most exciting news ever!!
I am now a published author! I have been chosen to be published in a book put out by Poetry.com. Do you remember the "Manifesto of Weakness" poem I put up a while ago? That is the one that is going to be published.
I have to go, sorry for such a short post.
Lizzie~

Well, that was short

Hey guys! Guess what!
My internet is back on!! I think that it won't be so sketchy like it was before either! I am very excited! (If you couldn't already tell by my over use of the exclamation points!!) I want to thank Alyssa for being the only one who has commented and answered my "challenge" if you will, to write a poem or just tell me what you are waiting for. I guess that you guys aren't waiting for anything! That is too bad, but I guess it can't be helped.
I am feeling a bit goofy today, that might explain the crazy way that I am writing right now! I love being goofy!
I hope that all is well with other people as well! Have a wondermous rest of the week! (Yes, I did just say 'wondermous'!!)
Lizzie~
P.S. I just got back from my concert band audition. The guy that does the auditions said that I did well after almost all of the pieces that I played, so that gives me hope! I really hope that I can make it into Symphonic band next year. But if I don't, I will still be happy welcoming in all the new freshmen to the big scary world of upper musicianship. Fun fun!!

Sometimes you just need to love

In Creative writing, there has been yet another amazing prompt given to us. This one was entitled, "What are you waiting for?" It went like this:
Today, we'll use Ferlinghetti as our inspiration. He wrote a poem called "I am waiting". Respond to that same title with your own voice; tell me what you're waiting for...

"I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting..."
~Ferlinghetti~

My version is this:


I am waiting...

I am waiting for love.
The love you hear of in story books.
The love of your best friend.
The love of a puppy.
The love that each person,
at all times, everywhere,
should have for one another.
I am waiting,
for love...


Now instead of commenting on how wonderful (or terrible) mine is, I want to hear what you are waiting for. It doesn't need to be in poetry form, but if you are feeling daring, then I would love to hear it as a poem!!!!!! Hope that I hear from everyone that I know who is on blogger! Everyone is waiting for something, but not everyone is willing to share it with others. I hope you all are willing to share!
Lizzie~
P.S. I am in the school library, and I am lolking out the windows, and it is snowing again!! I still hate snow!!!!!

Recently Discovered Genious

A long long long time ago, or it seems long ago now, I wrote a post complaining about not making it into the literary magezine at my school. I was thinking of not submitting this year, but due to an overwhelming ammout of people on and off my blog page telling me to submit any way, I did.
For all you who had faith in me and kept me from just giving up and not submitting, I thank you! I made it into the Literary arts magezine this year!!
What made it in was a poem, my only bilingual poem, called "Tu es a moi" or in english "You are the one for me". To everyone who isn't going to purchase the magezine, here is my poem. Enjoy!

Tu es à Moi

Je marche,
il pleut, le ciel est bleu foncé.
J’ai froid,
mais je m’en fiche, parceque je sais que tu va être là.
Là tu es,
tu m’attends, avec une couverture.
Je souris et tu souris aussi.
La couverture en coton sent en soie,
parceque tu la tiens.
Nous marchons ensemble,
le long de la rue, au Claire de lune.
Il est minuit,
mais nous nous en fichons,
parceque nous sommes ensembles.


In English:

You are the One for Me

I walk,
it is raining, the sky is a dark blue.
I’m cold,
but I don’t care, because I know you’ll be there.
There you are,
you wait for me with a blanket.
I smile, and you smile too.
The blanket is cotton, but it feels like silk,
because you are the one holding it.
We walk together,
along the street, in the moonlight.
It is midnight,
but we don’t care,
because we are together.

And to my French friend Sixtine, this post is dedicated to you. Tell me what you think of my French poem. Thanks!
Lizzie~

A Manifesto of Weakness

I, in my high school career, am lucky enough to be taking a Creative Writing course! One assignment or prompt that the teacher gave us started with this up on the board:

Manifesto on weakness:
"All pleasure lies in weakness, not power. Our survival as a species depends on weakness of a winsome kind. By our best weakness, we keep our allegiance to this strange dance of longing we call human life. Without this weakness, we are lost." --Kim R. Stafford--
Manifesto: a public declaration of intentions and principles.

Then the teacher told us to write our own declaration of weakness, in the form of a poem. Poetry is one of my strengths, so I went right to work on it. I though it turned out fairly well! Tell me what you think!

A Manifesto of Weakness
I have a weakness for music,
music that picks up my soul and helps it fly.
The music of raindrops pattering on glass panes,
green leaves, and the black tar road.
The music of a pencil softly sliding over paper.
The "fizz-fizz" that explodes from food hitting the hot frying pan.
The music made by the clatter of silverware on china plates,
in perfect harmony with melodic voices
coming from around an oval table.
The music that is the sweet rustle of leaves blown by the wind,
that mimics the masterful symphony of the sea.
The giant's banging their drums
when the conductor gives them their bright electric cue.
The melody of birds after the drums cease.
I have a weakness for music,
the music that invades my soul,
and dances with my heart.


So, what did you think? How bad is it really? Oh, come on, be truthful!
See you, or actually, hear from you later!
Lizzie~

Undiscovered Genius

I write a bunch, and some of it I kinda' sorta' like. I especially write poetry. I have submitted to my school's literary arts magazine two years in a row, and have been turned down both times! I am starting to lose hope! I know that part of being a writer is the frustration and hardship of sending in to be published and not being published, but should I have to go through it now? I am thinking of not submitting this year. I don't know if I should! If anyone out there has any suggestions for me, I would love to hear them!